Welcome to 2011

Still on the matter!...where is 2010?...Its dead and buried, and like
the phoenix 2011 rises outta the ashes. The death of 2010 giving birth
to 2011. I agree 2010 is gone but I would be claimin amnesia for me to forget
the events in the year.

Memories of 2010 was a very sweet one garnished with some bitter spots,
but all in all, it was a great one.

Otondoship was sweet, even with the meagre allawee, Life was still
beautiful, and Retiring from 'Kopadorm' to my own farm(lyk d one in
Otta) was a nice idea, but uneasy lies the head that wears the crown
ask Ire, Femi n Dave dey would tell u who d last jatropha bender is.
CCNA almost said Nay, until SAP came in tryin to Zap all the
nutrients,But Jah came to my rescue ASAP, and ABAP had to join its
slain colleagues, Glory be to God coz together we made it, even tho we
had our backs against the Wall. We are survivors, here comes 2011.

May the month of January be our janitor, Opening the doors to our fame
and fortune, blessings and breakthru, then closing the door on
misfortune, failure and their likes.

His banner over us in February would be Love, even our enemies would
love us enough to bless us, yeah Favour 4rm God and all Men.
We gonna March into our promised land, breaking in leaps and bounds,
discoverin new terrains and blazing trails

Believe me April will not make a fool of us, coz He that is with us is
greater than He that is in the World. May is not goin to be a probablility, coz it is a sure thang " IT IS WELL".

No jonzin in June coz d Lord would supply all our needs in July, Y'all
be ready to host dem August visitors,coz dey are bringin good tidings.
The traffic light is goin green in the 'ember' month, coz we are tired
of seeing the amber light.


its 1-11-11, soon it wld b 11-1-11, then it wld be 1-11-11 and then 11
-11-11.....So many ones, it jst means we'll be NUMERO UNO in all our
endeavours...happy nw yr people.


Lemme say a very very big thank you to every one who featured in the season 2010 of BamBam's Memoir, Let's do it again in 2011.

P.S... No kele kele love in 2011 o....#YouKnowYourself

My G33k Friend

I once had a friend whose best friends were aliens. My friend cant remember where is hometown is but he knows at least 4000 planets in the universe. He cant speak Yoruba but C++, .NET,Java, Elvish etc are the best languages ever.

I typed ai(alright), he said Artificial Intelligence, I told him I'll BRB, he called the Biometric Research Board(BRB) to ask after me. I told him I was cooler than him, my friend brought out his thermometer.
My Sister hung a DND sign on her door, he asked what kinda of firewall we were running, my sister was lyk duh!, he asked me if she stammers!

His girlfriend saw his dirty socks and shouted eeeew, he asked her where she saw a female sheep(EWE), I told him I dont give a fuck, He said " me too, I am still a virgin", Dude dt's nt wot I meant, I am gardener u know and ur sister is my hoe, he advised me to get a tractor.

Friend: Bambam, I've been seeind dis word 4 a while, wot is d meaning of IDK
Me: I dont Know
Friend: Nobody seems to know... I think I would ask the Jedi Masters
Me: k
Friend: What has potassium got to do with this?
Me: ehn...kmt jor
Friend: I dont understand you again o, Kinetic Molecular Technology????
Me: ah....I cant help but LOL
Friend: It is a lie, you play league of Legends?
Me: wot??????...lwkmd for here o
Friend: lwkmd, they are all consonants are you sure it's a dictionary word, maybe it's in the scrabble dictionary sha

I almost choked while laughing, so we would have to continue later....

To be continued.....

HOPE

Even tho it is not in sight
I am positive, the future is bright,
Its not by my power not nor by my might
It is Jah, who would win the Fight

Groping in this Darkness, I need His light
Shining in my path, as I make it through the Heights
Tho the weeping may endure for a night
His joy would come in d morning, as I fly my Kite

Tractors, Trees and Ploughs, All you see is a messed up site,
yea, those r my estates, You are welcome to the Bight of Bambam
Tho the story now would barely take 5minutes to write
The Biography would be in excess of Petabytes

Onward xtian soldiers Marching, Left Right, Left Right
Our sweat and strength we give, even out widows mite
Helpless & Hungry, Mosquitoes feed fat on us after each bite
But our Hope is golden, By the Grace of God it would all be Right

P.S. You are wearing my watch coz it's my Time

Dreaming with Malaria

Dreams can be crazy, especially when malaria has a hand and a foot in it. Fancy the dream I had last night. It was so scary it made a horror film look like a routine Lagos traffic jam. I woke up sweating and decided it was time to see the doctor.I dreamt that Senator Ahmed Yerima was elected the President of Nigeria. He settled into Aso Rock and introduced a thirteen year old, Fatima, as his wife and First Lady of Nigeria. That instantly posed a problem for the media which did not know whether Nigeria had a First Child or First Lady. Opinion was divided, but Ray Ekpu of Newswatch stepped in and decided that the media should hold a national conference and take a common position on how to address the President’s teen wife so as not to embarrass the President. The Nobel laureate Prof. Wole Soyinka maintained that to be grammatically correct, we should not address a child as a lady and asserted with authority that a “lady” is a term used to address “mature women” not “children.” He argued that she should remain a “First Child until further notice.”But the People’s Democratic Party maintained that the problem was not grammatical but political. To which famous lawyer, Chief Femi Falana pointed out that the “child” in question was not of voting age and as such should not impose a political burden on the country. He maintained that the nation should assume that the President had no legal wife or in the alternative ask him to produce another wife worthy of being addressed as a First Lady and who was of voting age.We were still trying to solve the matter when we heard that some civil right groups had taken the matter to the court to annul the marriage and let the child go back to school. We told them to hold on that the child was still in school and will actually be a part time First Child or First Lady and part time student. The case was dropped. We would have rested the matter there but guess what? Along came Prof. Dora Akunyili (I mean Prof Dora Akunyili again!) and said she had it on good authority that Her Excellency was still bed-wetting. She said it would do great damage to her rebranding exercise and wondered “how you could rebrand a country when the First Lady was busy wetting beds abroad.”The Federal Ministry of Health responded promptly that it had developed drugs which could take care of bed-wetting, but if the drugs were not okay, then the First Lady could use catheter in the night and not wet beds in presidential guest houses abroad. Everyone was relieved but guess what? The Central Bank came charging that such money would not be charged to any budgetary item and would amount to an extra-budgetary expenditure and fraud. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission agreed and said the National Assembly should approve a “Bed-wetting allowance” for the president, before any fund was drawn. They noted that if the man were to travel as much as President Olusegun Obasanjo did, then it would add to the national inflation and would be difficult to justify based on existing financial regulations.Well the debate was still raging when we heard that President Barrack Obama was coming to Nigeria on a state visit and would be accompanied by his wife, Michele. Civil liberties organizations swung into action and tried to persuade the American Embassy to postpone the trip until the “First Lady” issue was resolved. But the Embassy said the visit was part of a tour of strategic African states and Nigeria was amongst the most important in Africa. Obama actually came and was met on the tarmac by President Yerima with his wife, Fatima, in tow. Obama thought Her Execllency, Mrs Fatima Yeriama, was the garland girl and bent down to have her hang a garland on his neck. Her Excellency on the other hand thought differently in the innocence of her childlike heart, and thought he was bending down to admire her dress. She giggled and said, “Isn’t this a very wonderful dress? It is the same color with my undies.” Michele laughed heartily and picked up Her Excellency in her hands, stroking her head. I nearly fainted! She turned to President Yerima and said, “This should be your beautiful daughter, where is her mother -your wife?” To which President Yerima looked at her stunned, not knowing what to say. The American ambassador to Nigeria stepped in and saved the situation, “Mrs. Obama, that is the President’s wife that you are carrying in your hands. You may wish to put her down beside her husband so that the reception will continue.”The Nigerian First Lady who had been struggling to get out of Michele’s hands, looked up indignantly at the American First Lady, said, “I will not be your friend again. Only my husband carries me up and you dared to carry me up.”President Obama stroked his tie thoughtfully and said, “Let us not have a diplomatic row over this, I forgot to tell Michele that in Africa you catch them young. It is entirely my fault. My apologies to the First Couple. And now Mr President can we proceed to other reception formalities?”Soon the airport reception was over and the two First Ladies had to while away time while the Presidents discussed matters of state. Mrs Yerima insisted on showing Mrs Obama her toys and her grades in school. The other women stood idly by as one baby doll after the other was shown to Mrs Obama. “My husband bought this toy for me from China, she can even sing, let me play it for you.” Mrs Obama nodded.Her Excellency Fatima hit the button and the doll began to sing, “God damn America the great Satan, down with the infidels and down with the west…” Mrs. Obama cringed but the child paid her no heed.She bounded over to the television and turned it on. Then she moved the dial to Cartoon Network and turned to Mrs Obama, “Do you watch Tom and Jerry?” But by this time Mrs Obama had fainted and had to be flown back to America. I was filing the report to my editor when my wife woke me up and said it was time to take my anti-malaria drug. [Ha HA Ha Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Beacon of Hope

When things get overly dramatic and you find yourself as the main cast in a horror movie. Prancing about in a haunted mansion, shouting at the top of your voice, calling out for help only to realize you are OYO. You remember you were once a Christian and in your plight throw your hands towards heaven, praying frantically for the cup to pass over you. I SURRENDER ALL you wail in your distress, help me out of this God and I would never go back into the world.

Did you just see a beam of light?...Oh Thank God help at last, you grope towards the source of light only to discover that it was coming from the blood thirsty sword of the tormentor!

Events of the past week has defied all plausible explanations and has looked more like a nightmare, I have pinched myself so many times and yes it hurts but I am Awake not the Jehovah witnesses Mag tho(cc @verbalreasoning) .

The windows partition on my machine crashed coz of the dreaded Black Screen Of Death(BSOD), after a lot of troubleshooting and all I noticed I would have to do an upgrade. So i tried organizing the DVD i was going to use, on my way to a friend's place to pick up the DVD, I mysteriously lost one of my phones.

Shit happens jor...Another one would come!, Funny enough the DVD i collected would not even boot!..double wahala she?.

Monday and Tuesday came with their own wahala, I got home around 11pm(Man must wack now), Even though I was trying to watch my spendings I just joined Rick Ross as we Blew Money Fast..smh. I am currently preparing for an exam, so early Friday morning say around 4 a.m., I woke up to check my books o, I was thirsty and had to take a glass of water, Me i dunno wot happened sha o, My lappy just decided to contest with Michael Phelps in swimming, see water on top motherboard...AH in dis recession all @ once....GOD dey sha

The crux of errytin was on saturday, After counting and recounting the money in my wallet, (Secretly prayin that it should multiply), After normal omo boi hustle that day, I was heading back home, At Oshodi, I was doing my own jeje o, na im I just hear gbam from back, one morrafucka don jack my bag, my phone is gone.. I wan cry...mehn!, dt wz my machine o, my Phone ...arrgh, Men I nearly ran mad. I wan pursue d guy (bad Idea)

I was lamenting, why me? and why now? and the answer came almost immediately, (I accepted my fate o, tho my heart was still bruised), I wanted to board the bus home, there and then a big bus lost a tyre and skidded off the road, a woman fell off the bus and hit her head on the tarred road and it all dawned on me.

I am still alive, I am still breathing, when there is life there is hope, however bleak the future looks, the future is mine and mine to make. #Gbam My future is so bright you would need shades to look. If I lyk I could buy Apple Inc and cross breed with Microsoft, or lyk Larry Ellison become the Oracle of the Silicon valley, becoming so hot that I could give the SUN a tan.

#bottomLine it is a setback for a comeback. so 4 now, i dnt av a phone o, if dre is any contract for me o, I need money badly, my email neva change, ayallurs@yahoo.co.uk. #redEye

P.S. My pastor believes there is no Punishment without a sin, i'm still wonderin sha

Behold the Lord's hand is not shortened that he cannot save, neither his ear heavy that he cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated between you and your God

GOD IS ON FACEBOOK

I saw dis somewhr nd decided to share...it's very funny bt somehow true

At creation, He commented on Jesus Christ's photo 'Now, let us make man in our own image'

In the book of Genesis he confirmed Enoch as a friend

He tagged Moses in a new note - 'Ten commandments'

He created and event in Egypt and sent the invitation to the Isrealites - "The Passover'

He updated his status in the old testament- 'I am that I am

He commented on the rich fool's status- 'Tonight your very soul would be required of you"

He wrote on Belteshazzar's wall 'Mene Mene tekel Parsin"

At the cross of calvary, He added you and I as friends.

Have you accepted his friend request?

CC: Tomi Ogunlesi Sept, 2008

OLD SKOOL

Growing up, It was very common for the older people to say in our days things were like dis, were like dt and I rmbr alwayz replyin dem, "na una sabi, dis is 20th century and dis is ao we roll!...lol". But I never beleived I would say the same thing, Mehn!, things were better in our days o,and I am talkin abt a couple of years ago . Am I becomin Old skool?...Hell No! but things are changin at an astronomical rate.

Some ppl might be wonderin if dis dude is 75 or somtin, I am in my twenties and I cant believe how much things have changed in the past 10-15 yrs, I didnt notice much until recently I went thru d year book of my cousin, she is 16 and is leavin secondary sch. Boy u need 2 see all these small small children and their ambitions, u go fear fear.

Their average age is 16 the oldest is 17, some of d things dt caught my attention were hobbies, future ambitions, ur wildest imagination and Philosophy abt Life. One of dem said her hobby is Sex, wtf!, one of dem's wildest imagination is 3-some with Justin Bieber and Tyrese(she said He invented sex), another one's wildest imagination was bangin Usher @ d back of a car. When we were younger it wasnt dt easy to talk abt sex, u would have been a big boi 2 have had sex @ 16 let alone making it ur hobby. What most of us had then were memorable kisses and d lucky ones were boned!...(am I alone on dis?)

Their future ambitions was hilarious, most of dem wanted to be fashionistas, models, make up artistes, entertainers, fashion designers etc, there was no Engineer, one medical doctor and she wanted 2 model too, 2 Bankers and dt is all. Please answer this honestly, dem born u well mk u tell ur papa say u wan become make up artiste when u were younger?, Bt I was really impressed with some of them sha, they had so many plans, some of them were talkin abt clothin lines, one talked abt her perfume(twilight!...she has a name already) etc. At that age dt was amazing, I hope they can fulfil their dreams.

They all had very funny philosophies and u would wonder whr dey get ideas from. This one caught my fancy and I love it(tho av remixed it sha.)

Always stay near an AC....Be Kool

Look thru d window.....See d world

Watch your calender.....Be up 2 date

Listen 2 ur watch tik tak...Neva waste time

I think I have an idea where they get all dis from, it is from all those movies dey watch, U need 2 watch all dose Hollywood high school & college movies to understand what these 'shildren' are trying to copy. Bt me I dnt knw dt we r already into it dt mch. may God help us o

Also anoda twist in evrythin is 419, I knw fraud has been around for a wyl but Internet fraud came around in d early 2000s, even now yahoo yahoo is phasing out,with the emergence of Yahoo plus(+) and most recently Yahoo Final!(I hope dt's d final o), dose YY boiz fit mk hustlin guys like us carry gun. Have u seen dem spend money?, dayum even politicians sef go bow whr Yahoo boiz dey blow money. buh neva mind am grindin hard and Baba God would do my own soon(Legitimately tho!).

I'll end dis piece with DaGrin's song

A mo igabti Bukky wa ni pry 4

Ni 94, nigbati to si ma n wo pinafore

Gbogbo yen,Itan ma ni yen.

Bukky ti di omoge mo wa lowo.

Awon na ti jo sean Paul ni Club