My G33k Friend

I once had a friend whose best friends were aliens. My friend cant remember where is hometown is but he knows at least 4000 planets in the universe. He cant speak Yoruba but C++, .NET,Java, Elvish etc are the best languages ever.

I typed ai(alright), he said Artificial Intelligence, I told him I'll BRB, he called the Biometric Research Board(BRB) to ask after me. I told him I was cooler than him, my friend brought out his thermometer.
My Sister hung a DND sign on her door, he asked what kinda of firewall we were running, my sister was lyk duh!, he asked me if she stammers!

His girlfriend saw his dirty socks and shouted eeeew, he asked her where she saw a female sheep(EWE), I told him I dont give a fuck, He said " me too, I am still a virgin", Dude dt's nt wot I meant, I am gardener u know and ur sister is my hoe, he advised me to get a tractor.

Friend: Bambam, I've been seeind dis word 4 a while, wot is d meaning of IDK
Me: I dont Know
Friend: Nobody seems to know... I think I would ask the Jedi Masters
Me: k
Friend: What has potassium got to do with this?
Me: ehn...kmt jor
Friend: I dont understand you again o, Kinetic Molecular Technology????
Me: ah....I cant help but LOL
Friend: It is a lie, you play league of Legends?
Me: wot??????...lwkmd for here o
Friend: lwkmd, they are all consonants are you sure it's a dictionary word, maybe it's in the scrabble dictionary sha

I almost choked while laughing, so we would have to continue later....

To be continued.....

HOPE

Even tho it is not in sight
I am positive, the future is bright,
Its not by my power not nor by my might
It is Jah, who would win the Fight

Groping in this Darkness, I need His light
Shining in my path, as I make it through the Heights
Tho the weeping may endure for a night
His joy would come in d morning, as I fly my Kite

Tractors, Trees and Ploughs, All you see is a messed up site,
yea, those r my estates, You are welcome to the Bight of Bambam
Tho the story now would barely take 5minutes to write
The Biography would be in excess of Petabytes

Onward xtian soldiers Marching, Left Right, Left Right
Our sweat and strength we give, even out widows mite
Helpless & Hungry, Mosquitoes feed fat on us after each bite
But our Hope is golden, By the Grace of God it would all be Right

P.S. You are wearing my watch coz it's my Time

Dreaming with Malaria

Dreams can be crazy, especially when malaria has a hand and a foot in it. Fancy the dream I had last night. It was so scary it made a horror film look like a routine Lagos traffic jam. I woke up sweating and decided it was time to see the doctor.I dreamt that Senator Ahmed Yerima was elected the President of Nigeria. He settled into Aso Rock and introduced a thirteen year old, Fatima, as his wife and First Lady of Nigeria. That instantly posed a problem for the media which did not know whether Nigeria had a First Child or First Lady. Opinion was divided, but Ray Ekpu of Newswatch stepped in and decided that the media should hold a national conference and take a common position on how to address the President’s teen wife so as not to embarrass the President. The Nobel laureate Prof. Wole Soyinka maintained that to be grammatically correct, we should not address a child as a lady and asserted with authority that a “lady” is a term used to address “mature women” not “children.” He argued that she should remain a “First Child until further notice.”But the People’s Democratic Party maintained that the problem was not grammatical but political. To which famous lawyer, Chief Femi Falana pointed out that the “child” in question was not of voting age and as such should not impose a political burden on the country. He maintained that the nation should assume that the President had no legal wife or in the alternative ask him to produce another wife worthy of being addressed as a First Lady and who was of voting age.We were still trying to solve the matter when we heard that some civil right groups had taken the matter to the court to annul the marriage and let the child go back to school. We told them to hold on that the child was still in school and will actually be a part time First Child or First Lady and part time student. The case was dropped. We would have rested the matter there but guess what? Along came Prof. Dora Akunyili (I mean Prof Dora Akunyili again!) and said she had it on good authority that Her Excellency was still bed-wetting. She said it would do great damage to her rebranding exercise and wondered “how you could rebrand a country when the First Lady was busy wetting beds abroad.”The Federal Ministry of Health responded promptly that it had developed drugs which could take care of bed-wetting, but if the drugs were not okay, then the First Lady could use catheter in the night and not wet beds in presidential guest houses abroad. Everyone was relieved but guess what? The Central Bank came charging that such money would not be charged to any budgetary item and would amount to an extra-budgetary expenditure and fraud. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission agreed and said the National Assembly should approve a “Bed-wetting allowance” for the president, before any fund was drawn. They noted that if the man were to travel as much as President Olusegun Obasanjo did, then it would add to the national inflation and would be difficult to justify based on existing financial regulations.Well the debate was still raging when we heard that President Barrack Obama was coming to Nigeria on a state visit and would be accompanied by his wife, Michele. Civil liberties organizations swung into action and tried to persuade the American Embassy to postpone the trip until the “First Lady” issue was resolved. But the Embassy said the visit was part of a tour of strategic African states and Nigeria was amongst the most important in Africa. Obama actually came and was met on the tarmac by President Yerima with his wife, Fatima, in tow. Obama thought Her Execllency, Mrs Fatima Yeriama, was the garland girl and bent down to have her hang a garland on his neck. Her Excellency on the other hand thought differently in the innocence of her childlike heart, and thought he was bending down to admire her dress. She giggled and said, “Isn’t this a very wonderful dress? It is the same color with my undies.” Michele laughed heartily and picked up Her Excellency in her hands, stroking her head. I nearly fainted! She turned to President Yerima and said, “This should be your beautiful daughter, where is her mother -your wife?” To which President Yerima looked at her stunned, not knowing what to say. The American ambassador to Nigeria stepped in and saved the situation, “Mrs. Obama, that is the President’s wife that you are carrying in your hands. You may wish to put her down beside her husband so that the reception will continue.”The Nigerian First Lady who had been struggling to get out of Michele’s hands, looked up indignantly at the American First Lady, said, “I will not be your friend again. Only my husband carries me up and you dared to carry me up.”President Obama stroked his tie thoughtfully and said, “Let us not have a diplomatic row over this, I forgot to tell Michele that in Africa you catch them young. It is entirely my fault. My apologies to the First Couple. And now Mr President can we proceed to other reception formalities?”Soon the airport reception was over and the two First Ladies had to while away time while the Presidents discussed matters of state. Mrs Yerima insisted on showing Mrs Obama her toys and her grades in school. The other women stood idly by as one baby doll after the other was shown to Mrs Obama. “My husband bought this toy for me from China, she can even sing, let me play it for you.” Mrs Obama nodded.Her Excellency Fatima hit the button and the doll began to sing, “God damn America the great Satan, down with the infidels and down with the west…” Mrs. Obama cringed but the child paid her no heed.She bounded over to the television and turned it on. Then she moved the dial to Cartoon Network and turned to Mrs Obama, “Do you watch Tom and Jerry?” But by this time Mrs Obama had fainted and had to be flown back to America. I was filing the report to my editor when my wife woke me up and said it was time to take my anti-malaria drug. [Ha HA Ha Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Beacon of Hope

When things get overly dramatic and you find yourself as the main cast in a horror movie. Prancing about in a haunted mansion, shouting at the top of your voice, calling out for help only to realize you are OYO. You remember you were once a Christian and in your plight throw your hands towards heaven, praying frantically for the cup to pass over you. I SURRENDER ALL you wail in your distress, help me out of this God and I would never go back into the world.

Did you just see a beam of light?...Oh Thank God help at last, you grope towards the source of light only to discover that it was coming from the blood thirsty sword of the tormentor!

Events of the past week has defied all plausible explanations and has looked more like a nightmare, I have pinched myself so many times and yes it hurts but I am Awake not the Jehovah witnesses Mag tho(cc @verbalreasoning) .

The windows partition on my machine crashed coz of the dreaded Black Screen Of Death(BSOD), after a lot of troubleshooting and all I noticed I would have to do an upgrade. So i tried organizing the DVD i was going to use, on my way to a friend's place to pick up the DVD, I mysteriously lost one of my phones.

Shit happens jor...Another one would come!, Funny enough the DVD i collected would not even boot!..double wahala she?.

Monday and Tuesday came with their own wahala, I got home around 11pm(Man must wack now), Even though I was trying to watch my spendings I just joined Rick Ross as we Blew Money Fast..smh. I am currently preparing for an exam, so early Friday morning say around 4 a.m., I woke up to check my books o, I was thirsty and had to take a glass of water, Me i dunno wot happened sha o, My lappy just decided to contest with Michael Phelps in swimming, see water on top motherboard...AH in dis recession all @ once....GOD dey sha

The crux of errytin was on saturday, After counting and recounting the money in my wallet, (Secretly prayin that it should multiply), After normal omo boi hustle that day, I was heading back home, At Oshodi, I was doing my own jeje o, na im I just hear gbam from back, one morrafucka don jack my bag, my phone is gone.. I wan cry...mehn!, dt wz my machine o, my Phone ...arrgh, Men I nearly ran mad. I wan pursue d guy (bad Idea)

I was lamenting, why me? and why now? and the answer came almost immediately, (I accepted my fate o, tho my heart was still bruised), I wanted to board the bus home, there and then a big bus lost a tyre and skidded off the road, a woman fell off the bus and hit her head on the tarred road and it all dawned on me.

I am still alive, I am still breathing, when there is life there is hope, however bleak the future looks, the future is mine and mine to make. #Gbam My future is so bright you would need shades to look. If I lyk I could buy Apple Inc and cross breed with Microsoft, or lyk Larry Ellison become the Oracle of the Silicon valley, becoming so hot that I could give the SUN a tan.

#bottomLine it is a setback for a comeback. so 4 now, i dnt av a phone o, if dre is any contract for me o, I need money badly, my email neva change, ayallurs@yahoo.co.uk. #redEye

P.S. My pastor believes there is no Punishment without a sin, i'm still wonderin sha

Behold the Lord's hand is not shortened that he cannot save, neither his ear heavy that he cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated between you and your God

GOD IS ON FACEBOOK

I saw dis somewhr nd decided to share...it's very funny bt somehow true

At creation, He commented on Jesus Christ's photo 'Now, let us make man in our own image'

In the book of Genesis he confirmed Enoch as a friend

He tagged Moses in a new note - 'Ten commandments'

He created and event in Egypt and sent the invitation to the Isrealites - "The Passover'

He updated his status in the old testament- 'I am that I am

He commented on the rich fool's status- 'Tonight your very soul would be required of you"

He wrote on Belteshazzar's wall 'Mene Mene tekel Parsin"

At the cross of calvary, He added you and I as friends.

Have you accepted his friend request?

CC: Tomi Ogunlesi Sept, 2008

OLD SKOOL

Growing up, It was very common for the older people to say in our days things were like dis, were like dt and I rmbr alwayz replyin dem, "na una sabi, dis is 20th century and dis is ao we roll!...lol". But I never beleived I would say the same thing, Mehn!, things were better in our days o,and I am talkin abt a couple of years ago . Am I becomin Old skool?...Hell No! but things are changin at an astronomical rate.

Some ppl might be wonderin if dis dude is 75 or somtin, I am in my twenties and I cant believe how much things have changed in the past 10-15 yrs, I didnt notice much until recently I went thru d year book of my cousin, she is 16 and is leavin secondary sch. Boy u need 2 see all these small small children and their ambitions, u go fear fear.

Their average age is 16 the oldest is 17, some of d things dt caught my attention were hobbies, future ambitions, ur wildest imagination and Philosophy abt Life. One of dem said her hobby is Sex, wtf!, one of dem's wildest imagination is 3-some with Justin Bieber and Tyrese(she said He invented sex), another one's wildest imagination was bangin Usher @ d back of a car. When we were younger it wasnt dt easy to talk abt sex, u would have been a big boi 2 have had sex @ 16 let alone making it ur hobby. What most of us had then were memorable kisses and d lucky ones were boned!...(am I alone on dis?)

Their future ambitions was hilarious, most of dem wanted to be fashionistas, models, make up artistes, entertainers, fashion designers etc, there was no Engineer, one medical doctor and she wanted 2 model too, 2 Bankers and dt is all. Please answer this honestly, dem born u well mk u tell ur papa say u wan become make up artiste when u were younger?, Bt I was really impressed with some of them sha, they had so many plans, some of them were talkin abt clothin lines, one talked abt her perfume(twilight!...she has a name already) etc. At that age dt was amazing, I hope they can fulfil their dreams.

They all had very funny philosophies and u would wonder whr dey get ideas from. This one caught my fancy and I love it(tho av remixed it sha.)

Always stay near an AC....Be Kool

Look thru d window.....See d world

Watch your calender.....Be up 2 date

Listen 2 ur watch tik tak...Neva waste time

I think I have an idea where they get all dis from, it is from all those movies dey watch, U need 2 watch all dose Hollywood high school & college movies to understand what these 'shildren' are trying to copy. Bt me I dnt knw dt we r already into it dt mch. may God help us o

Also anoda twist in evrythin is 419, I knw fraud has been around for a wyl but Internet fraud came around in d early 2000s, even now yahoo yahoo is phasing out,with the emergence of Yahoo plus(+) and most recently Yahoo Final!(I hope dt's d final o), dose YY boiz fit mk hustlin guys like us carry gun. Have u seen dem spend money?, dayum even politicians sef go bow whr Yahoo boiz dey blow money. buh neva mind am grindin hard and Baba God would do my own soon(Legitimately tho!).

I'll end dis piece with DaGrin's song

A mo igabti Bukky wa ni pry 4

Ni 94, nigbati to si ma n wo pinafore

Gbogbo yen,Itan ma ni yen.

Bukky ti di omoge mo wa lowo.

Awon na ti jo sean Paul ni Club

HolySpirit removed her pant

wtf was dt!, the line used to be "it's the devil's work", suddenly it is now the holy spirit that told you to take meat from your momma's pot. Is everything evolving so fast that even the devil who used to take all the hard knocks is pushing the blame to the Holyspirit? I was really pissed when I saw the headline in one of this soft sell magazines, I didnt even get to read it coz I was so annoyed.

He claims to be a pastor/prophet or wateva, He rapes a young lady, He is apprehended and his alibi is "The Holy spirit removed her pants", can u imagine?, even if the holyspirit did remove her pants, was it the holyGhost that carried that your stick and stuck it in her pinyatta?, I wonder how some people think, and even more amazed at God's patience coz I sure knw wot I would do if someone is 'lieng on me like dt'....lol

But seriously, have we gotten so comfortable with God that we cant rmbr He is still d consuming fire, Baba ni Yen!, the Lion of the tribe of Judah...Twale!. Who dares play wit fire?, and who wants do pedicure for a Lion?, that is why I wonder why some ppl open their mouth and say trash about God. I really hope am nt going 2 blaspheme in the course of this coz am really not down with this christianity thingy no more.

It is appalling that every nook and cranny u find one church, worship centre or the other and yet we cant even adhere to what used to be simple morals. I remember seeing a 2-Story buildin around Oworo side with 6 different churches(Ask Monwuba Mike) and each of dem has their own sound system, blaring and causing noise pollution 2 d environ and no impact is felt.

There is hardly a day in a commercial bus that someone wont share the 'word of God'(tho some of dem rily need 2 work on their grammar!...lol) yet our pockets get picked even whilst our eyes are wide opened. You see men and women with megaphones and bells shouting that the kingdom of God is at hand, the same set of people would after a 'hard days work' drink to stupor on our tithes...SMH

There was this particular story I read a couple of years ago about a white garment prophet who was appraoched by an undergrad who needed special prayers to pass her exams, the prophet told her she was been disturbed by evil spirit and the solution is to crush the evil spirit in her with his kini. I naturally jst laffed at the folly of the girl who after the prophet has browsed her website still failed her exams. But after the prophet was arrested he claimed God told him to purge her with 'holy sex'.mehn I am fed!

I am taking it personal now, there is this church directly in front of my house, there is always a vigil everyday of the week, and I cant just help to wonder if these people have any other work than to disturb God. Kai!, they are there in day time too, with their Loudspeakers disturbin my precious 4 hours sleep. Always praying for prosperity and binding witches and wizards. I guess they are expectin magic or probably manna from heaven coz I know my own bible says God would bless the WORK of your hand. I wonder which work God would bless when u spend all day disturbin Him and me too(I wish dey could c dis)

I guess the summary of everything I am sayin is we really need to retrace our steps back to GOd and I mean the real God o, not the one who told you to check the breasts of your congregation for Cancer(pastor dey tap current...lol).

Welcome Back

It has been ages I came 2 dis zone...it is nt entirely my fault o ....av been very very busy ni....even bees r now beefin me sef...lol.

A whole lot of stuvs to write abt... no time 2 write.. It is very painful o...sometimes I 4get abt it entirely. Then I try 2 rmbr and I cnt.
nywayz I think am back 4 a wyl sha...

P.S. God has been gud o

Baba show me luv o...I nid it

Sighs***What a day?....nywayz all I can say is Thank You God tho it's nt dt ez to say bt i'm learnin 2 say thank you in all circumstances.

I have been plannin 4 dis journey 4 over 2 weeks now perfected d work flow only 4 u 2 come around 2 days 2 d D day and tell me I'll have 2 baby sit dem kids....kpsheew.

why me?...why now?....buh I hv no choice na...we r family nd u r d boss(lol), but e pain me o, I swear 2 God, no hard feelings sha.

Then I get to work and season 6 episode 8 of my oga's wahala was goin on, I tried ignorin d scene until I was dragged into the matter once again. I am seriously sick and tired of d BS wit dis guy it's killin me. Heaven I need a hug, or is thr any hun who wants 2 embrace a thug(dts wot oga thinks I am).

Oga if u call me a thug coz i'm tellin u d truth and coz i dont allow u 2 cheat me, dis is my advice 2 u Park WELL WELL, coz d last time I checked Cows r still xpensive so y would I waste ma beef wit u....

Jabo jo

Naija @ 50

Like a caterpillar , She broke out of her cocoon

Like a Chick, She cracked the shell & hatched

Nigeria, 50 yrs ago broke free from her shackles

She became liberated and tasted freedrom

Opening her eyez to the shocking reality that Life is not a bed of Roses

Made her feeble heart frail whilst trying to crawl

But against all odds she decided to stand

And with distorted but calculated strides she persevered

D journey so far has left her perspiring

While her vital organs are depleting fast

With the first Military coup hypnotizing the immature She

and the Civil unrest that followed crippling the young child

The immunization against poverty was not given to her by her Colonial Masters

So the affluence of the Baby Nigeria was compromised

But the Oil Boom came as our Messiah

Only to be caught up in the web of Corruption

D situation of things have troubled our minds

and made Nigeria a laughing stock in the global community

Why?, I wonder, would a country so rich be this poor,

Could it be the melanin in our skin...HELL NO

Where is the Obama of Nigeria?, come lead Her to her promise land

Who would start baking her National cake instead of devouring it?

Who would see leadership as a service rather than a right?

and I heard the voice echo....YOU!

Arise O compatriots, Nigeria's call obey,

Let's stop talking and start working

From Lagos to Sokoto, From Akwa Ibom to Maiduguri

Let Nigeria's over 150 million children take responsibility for a better Nigeria.

Can U imagine?

Sometimes it's gud 4 us 2 imagine some things....was just thinkin abt God and wrote dis down...ENJOY

Sometimes it's gud 4 us 2 imagine some things....was just thinkin abt God and wrote dis down...ENJOY

If He could turn a fish's mouth to an ATM, can u imagine how many banks he owns?

If He said silver and Gold is His, why won't the streets of heaven be made of gold?

If He fed the Isrealites with manna from heaven, why cant He feed five thousand with five loaves and two fish

If He could transform an Olodo to an Otondo, can u imagine the depth of his knowledge?

If He uses the foolishness of this world to confound the wise, can u imagine how folish Einstein, Edison etc would look if they ever get to heaven?

If the earth had been revolvin round the sun for the past 4.6billion yrs, Can u imagine the Recursion He used (proli a 'for loop')?

if in his own math; 1+1=1 , can u imagine why x - 5million = y whr y > x(i.e. givers never lack.)

If the earth is His footstool, can u imagine how big his palms would be?

If He can see all things, can u imagine the nos of Sattelites, CCTVs and the massive Netwoking involved?

If He hears the prayers of 6Billion people(the gud,bad & ugly), can u imagine the nos of dedicated servers he runs?

If no 2 persons have the same fingerprint, can u imagine how identical an identical twins are really are?

If our dna is really unique, can u imagine the nos of hrs/days or mayb secs spent to maintain database integrity?

If it is almost impossible to explain calculus to a 3 yr old, can u imagine how difficult it would explaining God's awesomeness?

There are so many things to imagine and so many qns dt may remain unanswered

Afta working my ass out....He still thinks am Hardly working....lol

My first day there I got there very very early, as in 2 and a half hours before they would eventually resume. You would pity me if u knw wot I got as a thank you five months later. This World sef, I am Fed.

Nywayz no pain no gain bt dis is way outside my comfort zone.I am still wondering why dis guy is behaving like dis, could he b intimidated?, broke? or somethin coz I dont understand why he is trying to play smart with me. Coming out straight shouldn't be that hard na

I'm at my wit ends, wot exactly am I supposed to do? I knw God'll help me but for now I'mma fight tooth and nail to make sure he knows He cant eat his cake and have it...Wot a bully

lolrofl.....jst some random thots in my head dt may b annoyingly true

The Forbidden fruit

At last the hide and seek game ended on a sad note with the demise of the former president Nigeria, Alhaji Umar Musa Y'aradua. After about six months that the president was incommunicado, word came on the 5th of May, 2010 that 'Baba go slow' was Late.Not too good a news but not totally unexpected.Somehow the news didnt come as as surprise to many Nigerians including myself though some religious leaders( Islamic & Christain) allegedly claimed the former president was feeling better and would soon be out of bed what they didnt tell us was that it would be to his grave, between you and I, only God knows best o.

 I dont know if it is me o, or that the death of the president of Nigeria didnt shake Nigeria the way the demise of the CEO (Chief Executive Omo-Ita) did to Nigeria. It is surprising how thru music Barack O'Grin could touch so many people something the president couldnt do. Well as I said earlier its my opinion though, and it doesnt really matter(Except on ma blog ofcourse...lol)

To the rationale of the write up, the forbidden fruit, the fruit the snake purportedly gave Eve and likewise was served as dinner for Adam by Eve, that is the history of the fall of man in a sentence. Turai Yaradua was given the fruit by OBJ (i dunno if he is d snake here), she gave it to Umaru and we all know where dt story ended, though Turai schemed and ployed in order to keep the fruit in her coffers but somehow the snake or is it Kharma or Jonathan's goodluck that brought the fruit out again. 

Now the fruit is with Jonathan and Patience, will the snake repeat the same feat on Patience in 2011?, or would d 'Adams' of Nigerian Politics fight over the fruit. coz with IBB saying there is no youth worthy to be the president of Nigeria, Atiku deflecting back to PDP, Ogbuluafor in soup and PDP's boat hitting the rocks. It might be so difficult to predict, but it wont be much of a prediction or probability come 'MAY', 2011, we would have known wot's up. Till then let's keep our fingers crossed(I wonder who would make the change) and watch the unfolding drama of the FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.

Long Live Nigeria, Long Live the forbidden fruit or not....lol

Changin times

Remember a time when a

A computer was something on TV 

from a science fiction show of note 
a window was something you hated to clean... 
And ram was the cousin of a goat.... 

Meg was the name of my girlfriend 
and gig was a job for the nights 
now they all mean different things 
and that really mega bytes 

An application was for employment 
a program was a TV show 
a cursor used profanity 
a keyboard was a piano 

Memory was something that you lost with age 
a cd was a bank account 
and if you had a 3 1/2" floppy 
you hoped nobody found out 

Compress was something you did to the garbage 
not something you did to a file 
and if you unzipped anything in public 
you'd be in jail for a while 

Log on was adding wood to the fire 
hard drive was a long trip on the road 
a mouse pad was where a mouse lived 
and a backup happened to your commode 

Cut you did with a pocket knife 
paste you did with glue 
a web was a spider's home 
and a virus was the flu 

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper 
and the memory in my head 
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash 
but when it happens they wish they were dead

Variety

Men....It's not easy o...I have been so busy...unfortunately doin nothing....lwkmd

Friday was a hell of a day...damn....I was on my feet for close 2 five hours, for something I could do in thirty minutes.

Was just thinking sha...how easy would life be without some people...4 me I think it would b so predictable and boring.

Some people were commissioned from Heaven to frustrate u, so u can always find ur bearing. Somebody recently asked who will you prefer "an irritating fellow", "an annoying fellow" or "a frustrating fellow"...Imagine the options given.

But I think u need them in varieties to make life beautiful

BOTTOM LINE...man shall not live with gud ppl alone

A REASON TO LIVE

Lagos!, Lagos!, two more yansh or is it chance he said...lol, We entered the bus only to discover we were the second set of people, we were still left with 4 'yanshes'. After a while the driver decided to start the journey with the remaining four seats vacant. The journey from Umuahia, Abia State to Ife, Osun State no doubt was going to be a long one but my mom, my sisters and I couldn't all wait to get home.

In no time we were at the boundary of God's own state and Imo, then from Imo we were in Anambra. I almost burst with excitement when we crossed the Niger, then I dozed off as we went by Delta and Edo State.I was jolted back to life when we had to alight at ore, to board a bus to Ife. Afterlike two hours, we were like thirty minutes away from home . My mom in her usual da Vinci mode was drawing time table already for our chores when we get home.You will do this and you would do that. Suddenly, I heard a thud, I found myself in the booth of the vehicle, with my blood all over my palms I wriggled out tryin to figure out what happened.

It's eight years today since I had a ghastly motor accident on the Ondo-Ife Road, that claimed the lives of 5 people on the spot,I dunno about the others that were rushed to the hospital. My family and I escaped with bruises here and there whilst some skulls were smashed on the tarred road. After I came back to my senses the only thing I could think of was a song

"O mu mi wa laye, O seun o, //U kept me Alive, I thank you
O mu mi wa laye o seun", //U kept me Alive, I thank you
Opo lo fe di ojo oni to je wipe //So many wished they could make it
Ohun t'aye sope ko toun kan lo mu wan lo" //but What ppl considered as trivial was what took their life

Life is such a cruel teacher, I could have learnt all those lessons in a class but I was given a first hand class in REALITY 101. How did I survive the accident?, I dont know, Why am i not the one lying lifeless on the road, am still flabberwhelmed.Why did accident happen when we were less than thirty minutes to the end of the journey after travelling for close to six hours!. The Irony of every thing was that I was stuck in the booth I found myself for quite a while, if any other vehicle was coming from the back, I was most definitely going to be a dead meat. Am still amazed the reason why no other vehicle came along the busy road whilst I was struggling to get out of the booth.


It was not up to 2 mins after the accident that rain started, as if the heavens were crying with me for joy for God giving me another chance or they were mourning the demise of five people am not sure. But solace came as the next vehicle that came by was a road safety truck, the badly injured were rushed back to ondo. My Mom, my three sisters and I were all in the bus but somehow the angel of death refused to take us coz d Lord chose to keep us. But why did a road safety vehicle surface at Ijebu Igbo(dt's the village closest to the scene), till today I dont still have a clue.

I am eternally grateful to the almighty, i dont know how to stop thanking him for sparing my Life on the 20th of April, 2002. That was one of my close brushes with death but that was the only one with a constant reminder that I am a CHOSEN. I have a bad black scar on my right palm that always jog my memory back to the fact that I am alive for a reason.

That 'small' incident gave me a reason to live, a reason to appreciate one minute, a reason to be constantly prepared for the worst, a reason to Love, a reason to be me. For those who know me well, it's common thing for them to tell me am not serious coz I learnt the hard way not to take life too seriously. Though I still travel at night and still take some risky risks the scar always remind me I have to fulfil my purpose here on earth before I go back to the great beyond and that no weapon fashioned against me will ever prosper. That's my LIFE...i LIVE IT FOR EVERYBODY (LIFE)

I dont have any idea why I wrote this o, or why it is here on the internet but what I do know is that it is teaching someone the lesson I learnt the hard way.
P.S. I have to do the work of He who sent me while it's day coz the night cometh when no man can work

JUNGLE JUSTICE

With flames rising to the sky one would have thought the biblical Abel was giving another Burnt offering in which the Lord was well pleased but alas it was a gory scene at the pako bus stop in Isolo, where a young man met his untimely death in the hands of angry Lagosians who turned him to a noxious chunk of suya.

This is the story has gathered by so many people, this is the closest I could get to the truth as there are so many versions of the story now.

That fateful morning on the 24th of Mar,2010 the young man while seating comfortably on his Bike 'jacked' a woman's handbag, the woman who was not ready to part with her bag easily,put up a protest. So it led to a scuffle between the two of them, the young man allegedly assaulted the woman and finally made away with the bag or maybe not because immediately he collected the bag the woman borrowed sound sultan's Line in his song "E ba mi Kigbe ole'.

Shouts of Ole!, thief!, Ole, thief! rented the air, the confused young man tried escaping with the loot and decided to dive in to a stream nearby, only to discover that, that wont stop his assailants who in no time had him in their grasp, battering him as they dragged him out of the stream. Quickly a 'mobile court' was assembled with the jury comprising of everybody present. Take him to the police, someone suggested, Police ko, Police ni. Light the morrafuka men...yeah nice idea torch the fool...You dont have to kill him now, someone countered...We would burn him ni said someone who appeared to be the presiding judge, This would serve as a lesson to others like him. I taught I heard "I RISE...COURT",no I didnt but judgement had been passed.

In no time, used vehicle tires flew in from all direction and with some generous donations of fuel, the young man was in flames. I think it was then they decided to check the contents of the bag to discover it had (So many figures here, am nt sure of how much), =N=1,200 or =N=4,000 etc, a bible and her mobile phone. That was all!...the angry faces suddenly turned into that of sympathy but the 'mobile court' still maintained their stand "He deserved it ", "I am sure this is not his first time", another person added.

Then something interesting happened, someone pushed through the crowd and tried removing a ring from the burning man's hands. The man was apprehended and mercifully handed over to the police, obviously he was the burning man's partner. Then I began to wonder if this was Nemesis in action or as Yorubas would say "ASASI"(dem follow am), he already escaped but he was unrepetant , he still wanted to continue in jacking bags and needed the "ring" probably a juju ring to continue their daily business, can u imagine the love of money and the avarice for wealth.Now that's the folly i dont understand and probably a quick rebuttal of the mobile court's presiding judge's view that it would teach 'his likes' a lesson, THEY DONT WANT TO LEARN

O.K., that's d end of the story oh sorry dt scene caused mad traffic that day along the Ikotun-ISOLO road. I hope you enjoyed the story. Now in my own opinion, Why would someone just decide to burn another person("jungle justice"), can you imagine?...I believe anybody capable of doing such an atrocious act could as well be the thief or worst still an armed robber. Why dont we trust our judicial system?...All the religions we practice dont even support jungle justice..."Thou shall not judge". Even the traditional religion believe they should take the suspect to a higher authority and give the convict a little chance to plea his course.


Well Another twist is that he died coz of =N=4,000(d highest of all d figures), can you imagine?, a sum of money he can make by begging on the streets of lagos or findin a job how menial it could be. IT'S A PITY. But the irony of everything is people who steal larger sums are either free or serving a punishment incomparable to this young man's own. Tafa Balogun was given less than 2yrs of jail term, TY Danjuma after confessing his sins was still made chairman of one advisory committee to the acting president, Diepreye Alameiseigha is still a don in Bayelsa, James Ibori was still honored sometimes ago as a free man, Bode George is the sheriff in Kiri Kiri with VVVVVVIP treatment, Erastus Akingbola is at large, there are just too many of them to mention and yet that young man was burnt to death without any 'hearing'. I am not saying what he did was good but in short I reserve my comment.

What is going to be the next Headline?

In Recent times, say since last year November, Nigeria has continued to feature in the global news consistently. The era of the same ol' story in the dailies changed with the emergence of new escapades, sexcapedes, fruadcapedes, cabalcapades, muttalabcapedes. Name it all just remember to put a 'capades' as its suffix and it becomes a normal Nigerian story.

I guess it all started November, or is it before that ?, probably, coz Mr President was away in Saudi Arabia commisioning a University of science and tech o'er there, whilst our educational institutions lay in shambles. Can u imagine?. But he came back 'early'enough to tell us the state of things and resume back to office. I guess my fellas in the public institutions stayed home for 4 months or so...(N.B.: dt's more than a whole semester o). Then Alhaji Musa Yar'adua went MIA, we all thought it was a joke when the countdown began. Nigerians in their legendary happy mood laughed it off am sure some were even rotflol.

Some shameless excuses were conjured for the ailing President by what was then reffered to as the 'kitchen cabinet', the countdown went 4rm 1 day to x days, and probably in a 'Christlike' manner he declared 'I am coming soon and my reward is with me'...Like the son of man, Our president also decided that no man shall know the day He'll come(excecpt maybe Turai who is a woman anyway) and it would be Like a thief in the Night.

A whole lot of resources was wasted looking for our president, a group of expert 'siphoners' were sent on an expedition to retrieve the missing President as if he was some 'gold mine' or 'oil well' in Saudi. To add salt to injury, the kitchen cabinet decided to use the law as it's tool and Aondaaka was the puppet, they played on the intelligence of 150 million Nigerians. Observers were fascinated by our story line, even the best scriptwriters in Holywood cant even boast of a script this impressive and am sure Steven Spielberg is taking a lesson or two in directing his much acclaimed suspense movies.

But as if our president been AWOL was not enough, AbdulMuttalab handed us a christmas present, without asking he became Nigeria's own santa, putting us on the terrorist list of country and stripping us of the little honour left of us as a country. The underwear bomber has he is fondly called put us on the headlines again, Nigeria became popular( not necessarily famous) again and was given another label a 'terrorist nation'. Imagine Al'Qaeda offering to help Nigeria and their marketers flooding Nigeria in thousands, trying to lure other 'muttalabs' into underwear bombing. I wont be surprised to know there is an Institute of Al'Qaeda Studies in Nigeria with Muttalab 101 as a core course. The Stupid boy just put all the efforts of well meaning Nigeria who have put Nigeria on the global scene for good stuvs like Wole Soyinka, Fela, Emeagwali, Mary Anyali, 2face etc POOF! and they all went up in flames with his stinking underwear.

Nigerians entered into the new year with a lot expectations, I even made a toast to it, that it was going to be an exceptional year. Then there came prophesies of iminent 'natural' disasster globally, startin with Haiti, the earthquake claimed innocent lives, then it moved to Chile and to Rwanda then Nigeria. But unfortunately ours was not natural, it was man made, Jos, Plateau state became a deathtrap. Watching the jos crises looked more like a bad case of GTA were violence rocked and peace sucked rather than Age of Empire where development was the main goal.

Some issues that were major in the past are now relegated to the background imagine, there has been fuel scarcity for five months now and no one is discussing it. I saw in one of the dailies that Jonathan is Running with IBB in 2011...oga o. I had to go to the market earlier this week and I heard that 'Mai Nama'(Meat Sellers), Pepper Sellers and tomato sellers are on STRIKE. Can u beleive that?...Men I was shocked beyond my wits coz just 2 small bulbs/balls of tomatoes went for =N=50, are we going to experience famine? I pray not. But I wonder who would salvage the situation when some mad blood hungry savages slice 3 yr old heads into two. I wonder wot kinda blood flows through their veins.

I guess it's time to say enough is enough!....I guess its time for TURAI and her cabal let us know wassup wiv Mr President, I guess it's time we buy a cup of garri for 5naira again, I guess it's time Nigeria is known for extraordinary things again, I guess it's time we stopped seeing long queues in our filling station, I guess it's time the acting president prays for more goodluck...it's high time all these killings in Jos and it's suburbs stopped...Bt who would in His/Her right senses sponsor such a massacre...yeah the heart of man is desperately wicked...who can know it, not me definitely.

Wot would be the next HEADLINE?

So two thousand and ten

I Tried putting 2009 in a nutshell, But all to no avail coz the shell broke!
No matter how hard I try to compress it, there is always something I forgot 2 add,
God was damn 2 good last year, 10billion tongues would not be enough 2 say thank you.
But all I have to say is "OSE BABA" to infinity.


I entered 2009 with a lot of xpectations and money in my pocket
Suddenly, I got stuck in stocks and was left with no dough in my wallet
What a relief!, twas d last yr in RUN,abruptly my GPA took to its heels sagging as it fled.
But thru it all u tot me 2 say IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL, and sure it was coz here I am in 2010;


I celebrated my B'day in March and became a scorer
Then Data Mining entered my dico almost making Life hell
I would probably have been Yaradua's roomie in Saudi as my heart froze when I got my postin leta
but to God be the Glory, Great things He hath done


To all those friends and famille that made 2009 a sucess, MUCHO GRACIAS
Oya now, let's go thr, 2010 is here o....let's do it
Haterz, Poverty, Wahala, Failure, RUN etc, r so 2009
and I am so 200nFresh, so 200nRich, so 200nFly, so two thousand and TEN.

Fling or for real

Tough times don't last, tough ppl do
But how tough would your relationship have to be,
To survive NYSC's cruel and parallel posting
Will what happened in orientation camp stay there?


What mami market has joined together let no NYSC put asunder,
Will you from Gumi shout out to your sweetheart in Maru?
Or will Bungundu be the end of our love in Talata Mafara?
Would you keep the flame burning?...if there was any!


Funny enough, birds of a feather might flock together,
and from Indomie joint in Tsafe move together to Gusua,
so we may Live happily ever after
Who Knows what Fate has in stock for us

Let's all pray to cupid, the god of love
To grant us according to our wishes
But if wishes were horses
Who would be in Zamfara?

Between you and I,
Some of us knew what we were commiting to
omo, BOiz checked the expiry date before purchase,
Best before, 24th of November or ELSE...


So if u have been eating my pepper soup
it's high time you paid up
In cash or in Kind, nothing goes 4 nothing
If it was for real or a fling...I guess u decide.

SHARIA AND Corpers

"Hello ; guy how far?...na Zamfara dem carry u go o", my heart skipped a beat and immediately I replied " God forbid!, which kind rough play be that, oya drop the call abeg, press d red button sharply"

This expression is a common one for those of us that were posted to Zamfara. Amidst the unbelief and the fear that it might be true, in our 'church mind' we rain curses and abuses on NYSC for been so cruel.

After silently resigning to fate, we try to weigh the pros and cons, and the first thing that comes to mind is SHARIA, suddenly my cloth was drenched in my own sweat. I was frantically looking for a good reason for me to go to Zamfara but couldnt find one, then someone told me "you would come back blacker than charcoal", I thought for a while, can I be darker than this?, " Men the sun over there is blazing hot," then I began to wonder if the Sun can ever be cold....lol

"Into ur hands I commit my soul; Tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me". These were the prayer on my lips as I embarked on my 15 hour journey. Mostly the truth is over-rated, all the rumours I have heard about Zamfara suddenly became lies.

As I alighted from the vehicle I was expecting to see fierce looking faces with Sword in hands ready to amputate legs but instead I was greeted with friendly smiles, I was expecting to see everybody in turban witha a different road for the ladies but instead they made me happy me telling me they pride themselves in farming, and I think it's true coz neva in my whole life have I seen garden egg that massive.!

The only evidence of sharia here on camp is that the ladies dormitory is like a kilometre away from where the guys stay, not such a good news and the social scene is f*ckin dry, it's a sin to 'oversocialize', there is no booze and lights out is by 10 tho we never have lights...lol

So far so good, Zamfara is alright and Sharia is just a law to keep the community sane and curb social vices. Personally I think Sharia is doing it's work, nobody wants 2 leave zamfara with a short sleeve or worst still armless.

STUCK IN STOCKS

This was when d recession hit me like a truck load of sand....it waznt ez o

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did I give him my money ?
Despite the fact that I knew he was a broker,
Playing poker would have made me more money,
But I decided to put up with this joker.


None of this was exactly his fault,
The global economy assumed a mind of it's own
Throwing all man to slavery of it's dictates.
Thou Economic Recession, when will thou come to an end.



When will the BEAR holding my money die?
When will my money take the BULL by the horn?
I hope it happens soon enough
Before I fleece myself out to pay my fees.

Gracias...bt Lemme be me

People come and go
but true friends wait till it all ends.
I dont know what to say,
coz am still dismayed.
A lot on my mind to say,
yet my keyboard is nt ready to play.


For Y'all dt was around 4 d get 2gedal

I cant thank you enough but I'll b 4va grateful
May d Almighty show you ao mch u r appreciated
and 4 all d advices I owe u big time.
But Y'all know it's nt ez to b different.
coz Ayobami is unique sudnt b a cause for alarm.


In dis world there is a crazy need for balance.
why do we need judges if there would be no crime
wot would tailors eat if we all decide to go naked
so, ao would ur ideas b polished if i dnt criticize it.
Constructive Criticism : It's all for the beta
So dont sweat it out if i decide to tackle u...lol

D bottom line of evry b say mk e dey all of una mind jo.
and if u want to know why am Ayobami...Make una consult google jo

Welcome 2 2k9

Where did the year go?
Suddenly January rolled by,
february in quick succession,
March followed suite and April kept the ball rolling,
May was not a probability coz we finished it too,
June shaked hands with July and before we blinked our eyes they ushered in August.

Then the "ember" months stealthily whistled as they went by little by little and here we are anticipating a new year.

And we realize that with giant strides we started in January and within a blink of an eye, 2008 is on its back.
A big "Thank You" to you, for the huge impact you had on my life this year. Especially for all the support. Without you, I'm sure that 2008 would have been extremely boring, crazy and full of shit

From my side I wish you all a magical Festive Season filled with Loving Wishes and Beautiful Thoughts.

May 2009 mark the beginning of a Tidal Wave of Love, Happiness and Bright Futures.

And to those who need someone special, may you find that true love

To those who need money, may your finances overflow

To those who need caring, may you find a good heart

To those who need friends, may you meet lovely people

To those who need life, may you find GOD

GOAL

Winners are too busy to be sad,

They are too positive to be doubtful,

They are too optimistic to be fearful,

Winners are definitely too determined to be defeated,

Therefore meticulous enough to think before they leap,

They are too longsuffering to languish in the pangs of poverty,

And they are too focused to be distracted by side talks.

Since fear is the dark room where negative things develop

We cant but trust and have faith in the future,

Faith is not ignoring the obvious,

But building on the unseen to tackle the obvious.

It is not the clothing that makes a monk,

But His dedication to what he believes.

Your GOAL is the God Ordained Aspect of Life

So why bother you precious head about busy bodies

That is their hobby; their calling is to distract you

Keep focused and walk towards your goal

Ignore all external resistance and subdue internal indecisiveness

It’s left to you to make or mar yourself.

Coz your GOAL determines who you would or won’t be.

N.I.G.G.A.s

I wrote this quite a while ago, I think 2006. It was when we resumed in school for 200 level.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On your mark, Get set, Go,

The V.C shouted when you were admitted to R.U.N,

God the Chief Umpire himself blew the whistle for you to start the race,

You started with a maximum speed of 100 m/s,

Until you were faced with challenges and you wanted to waver,

His grace is sufficient for you the D.S.A made you understand,

Your first semester exams stood like a great mountain,

A giant Hurdle you had to fly pass,

Then the second semester exams came, giving you the momentum you needed,

You negotiated the corner precariously with extra caution,

Alas! Here you are with a speed of 200 m/s,

Preparing to embark on the second lap of your academic pursuit,

You are in RUN so that you would be nurtured in the right way,

To run without stumbling and to be able to fly high with time,

And when you will finish the fourth lap with a minimum speed of 400m/s,

You would have exceeded the Escape Velocity,

Hence, you would be launched like a projectile into the real world,

Leaving this world of forms behind You.

HAPPY RESUMPTION N.I.G.G.A. s

(Not Ignorant About Getting Goals Accomplished)

My Induction

This has been hanging for a while. As a matter of fact I created this blog since 2007 but didnt just think it was worth it. So I'll try to post some of my old write ups and start writing new ones.
I don become blogger be that o